Dear Andre, (5 min read)

I want to start with a problem I see everywhere, and honestly, one I've had to fight in myself too.

It's the idea that needing people is somehow a weakness. That if you're really serious, you should be able to figure it out on your own. Put your head down, grind it out, don't ask for too much help. The self-made story is everywhere, and it sounds inspiring until you actually try to live it and realize how lonely and slow it makes everything.

Here's what I've come to believe after building two businesses, writing a book, and going on missions trips across the world: the self-made myth isn't just wrong. It's actually dangerous. Because it keeps you isolated exactly when you need people the most.

And I want to talk about how to fix that.

When I was 20 years old, I got to watch something that I've never really forgotten.

Two different groups of people went through really hard seasons. I was close with both groups, so I had a front-row seat to how each situation played out. The first group went through their hard thing completely alone. Didn’t reach out to anyone. Didn’t let anyone in. They just white-knuckled it in isolation and came out the other side, but barely, and at a real cost.

The other group went through something just as hard. They reached out for support. And they had people around them. Friends who showed up. Family who stayed present. And the difference in how they came out of it was night and day.

That contrast got into me at a pretty deep level. Because what I realized was that life is going to be hard either way. The hard things are coming no matter what you do. So doesn't it make way more sense to invest in people now, so that when the hard things come, you're not facing them alone?

That's when I made a decision to make investing in people one of the most intentional things I do.

Now here's where the self-made myth really falls apart.

When I sat down to write my book last year, I did something that honestly kind of surprised me. I stopped and tried to count the people who had invested in me before I had anything to show for it. Before the business was really working. Before the book existed. Before there was proof that any of this was going to amount to something.

I came up with 94 names.

Ninety-four people who said, in one form or another: I see something in you. Keep going.

"At some point I just thought, all these people can't be wrong. If 94 people see this in me, I must just be missing it in myself. And I decided I was done missing it."

My dad was the one who first pointed me toward detailing, just an offhand comment that some people do really well in that business. That was the seed. And later, when I was genuinely ready to quit, it was another phone call with my dad that kept me going. The book that ended up hitting number one in its category on Amazon? That doesn't happen without Adam Simpson helping me through the writing process, without 58 people (like you reading this, Thank you!) showing up to a Zoom launch with less than a week's notice, without the BNI chapter in Rocklin, without Rod Linholm investing in me spiritually, without Kian and Jake who I've done dinner or coffee with every two or three weeks for years, without Ruben and Jeannie who have basically become a second set of parents for me.

It was never just me. And I'd be willing to bet, if you're honest with yourself, it's never been just you either.

So how do you actually build this? Because I think a lot of people intellectually agree that relationships matter, but they're not doing much about it. Here's what has genuinely moved the needle for me.

Join something before you need it. When I didn't have any local friends who were business owners, I joined a networking group. Then I found The Arena online and started going to some of their in-person events. Through those two communities alone, I've built friendships with people I now text or call every week or two, people who have genuinely become part of my inner circle. One of my closest friendships right now is with Caleb, a guy I've never even met in person (he's on the East Coast). None of that happens if I stay comfortable in my own little bubble.

Invest before you need people, because you will need them. A few weeks ago something pretty hard happened in my life. And my first thought wasn't panic. It was genuine relief and gratitude that I had people who I could text and ask for prayer. Because the people were already there. You cannot build a support system in the moment you need one. It's just too late. The investment has to come first, and it has to be real.

Show up for the wins, not just the losses. Here's something I've heard Alex Hormozi say that I keep coming back to: people want you to do better. They just don't want you to do better than them. Which means the people who genuinely celebrate your wins? They are rare. Hold onto them. And become that person for others. Be someone who celebrates loudly when the people around you succeed.

Do both private praise and public praise. I try to reach out when someone crosses my mind, a text, a DM, a card, a phone call, a youtube link. Something specific and honest. But I also try to honor people publicly when I get the chance, because there's something powerful about using whatever platform you have to show the world who has poured into you. Both matter. I don't want to just feel grateful. I want the people I'm grateful for to actually know it.

Which brings me to the most practical thing I can give you today.

I learned this framework from a mentor of mine named Brett Swarts, and I've used it probably hundreds of times since. It's called the FBI method, which stands for Feeling, Behavior, Impact. It's basically a formula for making your gratitude actually land instead of just sounding like a generic "thanks for everything."

Here's how it works:

The FBI Framework (credit: Brett Swarts)

F — Feeling

Start with how you actually feel. Not "I appreciate you" but something real and specific. I feel so grateful for you. That's the opener.

B — Behavior

Name exactly what they did. Not vague, not general. You encouraged me to keep going when I was seriously thinking about quitting the detailing business. Specific behavior. That's what makes it feel real.

I — Impact

Tell them what changed in your life because of what they did. Because of that conversation, I didn't quit. And now I have the life I have today. That's the part that actually moves people.

When I apply that to my dad, it sounds something like: I feel so grateful for you, because you encouraged me to keep going when I wanted to quit the detailing business, and the impact of that is I didn't quit. And because I didn't quit, I got to write a book, go on missions trips, build something real. So much of what I have today traces back to that one conversation where someone believed in me more than I believed in myself.

That's what a specific, intentional message does. It doesn't just make the other person feel good. It reminds you of how much people have actually contributed to your life. And that reminder is powerful.

I'll leave you with this.

And this isn’t proper english.

Life be lifing. (yes I know that word doesn’t exist) You don't know when the hard thing is coming, and you don't know what it's going to look like. But it is coming. And in that moment, it is genuinely too late to start building the relationships. You can't fast-forward the investment. It has to happen before you need it.

So my encouragement to you is simple. Start now. Not when you have more time or more to offer or more proof that you're worth investing in. Right now, with what you have, with the people already in your life.

Being self-made is a myth. And honestly? I think that's the best news there is. It means you don't have to do this alone. It means there are people around you right now who, if you'd let them in, could help you get where you're going so much faster. It means that the thing you've been trying to white-knuckle by yourself might just need a phone call.

Make the call. Send the text. Show up for someone this week.

Your assignment this week:

Well, that's all for now.

-Daniel

P.S. I'm putting together a carousel on instagram to show the actual people who invested in me before I had much to show for it, my dad, Ruben and Jeanne, Kian, Jake, Adam, Rod, the BNI chapter, The Arena. If you've got someone like that in your life, tag them somewhere this week. Public praise costs you nothing and means more to them than you probably realize.