What does the room need from you? (Wrong question.)

Dear Andre, (4 min read)

I used to walk into every room and ask myself the same question:

"What does this room need?"

I didn't realize I was asking this question.

Then I'd scan the space like a chameleon hunting for its next color. Is someone missing? What role isn't being filled? Who do I need to become right now?

The quiet listener? The energetic hype man? The strategic thinker? The comic relief?

I thought this was emotional intelligence. I thought this was serving people well.

I was wrong.

Here's what I didn't understand: The world doesn't need me to be a shapeshifter. It needs me to be me.

The truest, most authentic version of me. Not the version I think you want. Not the role I assume is missing in the room. Just... me.

And that... scared me.

Here's the thing about authenticity

It requires vulnerability.

And vulnerability means being fully seen. Fully known. With all the mess and the quirks and the parts of you that don't fit neatly into other people's expectations.

There's an inherent fear in that. A voice that whispers: "isn't it easier to hide? What if they don't like the real you? What if you're not enough? What if you're too much?"

That fear? It's real. It's normal. And it's standing between you and every deep connection you've ever wanted.

Because here's what I've learned after becoming coach in the 7 Frequencies of Communication. Connection doesn't come from performance. It comes from presence and curiosity.

The healthiest version of communication (across all seven frequencies) isn't about you. And it isn't about mastering techniques or finding the perfect words.

It's about your ability to listen and be present.

That's it.

Not what you say. Not how you say it. But whether you're actually there with the person in front of you.

Why this matters more than you think.

Every arena of my life is limited by communication.

Read that again.

My(future) marriage. My friendships. My business. My ability to lead. My capacity to serve.

All of it—limited or expanded by how well I communicate.

Which means: If I improve my communication, I'll improve my life.

Not just one part of it. All of it.

That's why I took this so seriously. That's why I got certified. Because I realized I was capping my own potential by not understanding this fundamental truth.

Let me break it down with two foundational principles:

PRINCIPLE #1: Presence and curiosity are the prerequisites to human connection.

You can't connect with someone you're not fully present with. You can't build depth with someone you're not genuinely curious about.

Most of us think communication is about having the right answer or the perfect response. But the best gift you can give someone isn't your advice—it's your attention.

Your phone down. Your mind clear. Your heart open.

That's rare. That's powerful. That's the foundation.

PRINCIPLE #2: Authenticity and vulnerability unlock depth.

You cannot have deep connection without being willing to be seen. Not the polished version of you. Not the role you think the room needs. The actual you.

This is where most people stop. Because being fully known means risking rejection. It means stepping out from behind the mask and saying, "This is who I am."

But here's the paradox: When you increase your authenticity and empathy, you increase connection.

The more real you are, the more permission you give others to be real too. And that's where trust is built. That's where relationships deepen. That's where life gets good.

The shift I had to make—

I had to stop asking "What does the room need?" and start asking "How can I serve the people around me as myself?"

Because when my focus shifts from performance to service, something changes.

I naturally become more present. I naturally become more curious. I stop thinking about what I should say and start listening to what they need.

And here's what I've discovered: The healthiest version of every communication frequency is when it's not focused on yourself, but on serving the people around you.

Not chameleon energy. Not morphing into what's missing.

Just you. Fully present. Genuinely curious. Authentically engaged.

That's the version of communication that changes rooms. That's the version that builds real relationships. That's the version people remember.

Here's what I'm offering you this week—

I just became certified as a 7 Frequencies of Communication coach. And I want to give you something.

Take the 7 Frequencies assessment (it's $10-$100 takes 10 minutes), and I'll give you a free 15-minute phone call to walk you through your top three frequencies.

Why? Because understanding how you communicate best (and how the people around you communicate best) changes everything.

It's the difference between shouting into the void and actually connecting.

It's the difference between wondering why people don't "get you" and realizing you've been speaking different languages.

Your Assignment This Week:

1. Take the 7 Frequencies assessment (link)

2. Send me your results

3. We'll schedule your free 15-minute call

And while you're waiting for that call, I want you to do something harder:

This week, be fully present with one person.

Not checking your phone. Not planning your response while they're talking. Not performing.

Just there. Curious. Listening. Seeing them.

Watch what happens.

I used to fall asleep listening to a prayer. And I want to pray it over you now:

I pray that you reading this would live by faith, be known by love, and be a voice of hope. That you would dream great dreams and have the courage to pursue them.

Well, that's all for now.

-Daniel

P.S. here’s the link to the assessment. https://shop.erwinmcmanus.com/products/the-assessment-the-seven-frequencies-of-communication-digital-all?variant=47267521233063

Do it. Let's talk. You'll be surprised what you learn about yourself—and the people you're trying to reach.